Gracies 2nd Birthday

It was hot!! So what better way to celebrate a birthday than with a water party! We had kiddy pools, slip-n-slides... sprinklers... All to celebrate our wonderful daughter on her second birthday in the 103 degree heat.

Her new Radio Flyer Tricycle
Her cousin Zach helping her eat her cake.
Lexi holding her while everyone sang!

Learning how to deal

Well, I had every intention of updating this blog weekly... Suffice to say it has been a month and a half since my last post. I can honestly tell you that I have never been so busy in my life. Busy as well as just plain tired!!! Between Gracie, the twins and this baby that is growing inside me, my energy level is at zero!!! When I do have a spare second, I just like to sit and relax. Usually, my only spare second is when Gracie takes a nap....

Well, life has certainly changed. Not for the worse, not for the better, just changed. I am sometimes so completely overwhelmed at times that I just break down and cry, and give it to God because I have no idea what I am doing. There are times that I just hold Gracie and look at her and wish I could give all my attention to her again. Yet, she is fine, it took her a while to adjust, but she loves the girls, they play and play and play with her, and she loves all the attention!

Grace is growing so fast, I cannot even believe it. She has so many new words that she uses all the time and sometimes can speak in sentences. I swear this happened overnight. All the sudden one day she was drawing with crayons and she said "look mommy, I made a pretty." What?!? When did she learn to say all that together? Right now she is obsessed with "owies" she will find one on anyone and want to kiss it. Pretty adorable. She also is very big into asking people if they are ok. "You ok mommy" she will ask as she looks me in the eye and pats my arm. She just melts our hearts every moment. I know every mom says it, but how in the heck can I possibly love this other baby as much as I love and cherish my precious Gracie?

Now that the weather is turning we are spending a lot of time outside and she would not want to be anywhere else. Loves chasing our chickens, playing in rocks and on our deck with our little slide. She is so good at saying "please" and "thank-you" and loves to say "sorry". The only issue we are having with her right now is her not wanting to listen to us when she is doing something wrong... She just smiles at us and goes "hi mommy, hi" oh yeah, she knows she is doing something wrong, she just tries to be cute... ah it it starts so young! She gets so sad when you even raise your voice at her, I can tell that discipline is going to be a struggle.

The twins are definitely a hand full. We were not told just how hyper and demanding of attention they would be, granted they are 12, pretty normal for "tweenies".. but not normal for me! They are obsessed with Gracie and her blue eyes and chubby cheeks, honestly they will not stop pinching her cheeks and calling her beautiful. (I guess it could be worse)

I struggle with now being the "nagging mom." I have to be though, they are so slow when getting in the car to go to school, or doing their homework... I have to be on them all the time or they would just sit and watch Indian movies all day on their computer.

If I am being truthful with you, it was not love at first sight. They are very sweet girls, loving with such a strong desire to make us happy, sometimes almost too strong. I have always liked them, but it has taken me a while to realize that this is my life now, and to see them as my new daughters. I expected myself to love them as much as Gracie from the get-go... That was foolish, I had this ideal of being the most loving, compassionate, patient mom to them... But as any mom of teenagers can tell you... HA HA HA! Don't get me wrong, I am not horrible by any stretch of the imagination, but they test me, pull me in 4 different directions at once, and really demand so much from me, it is hard to get used to "liking" being constantly demanded of... My deal, not theirs. You add pregnancy into the situation, and there are times where I just lose it, whether it being crying to Stephen at night when we go to bed, or just have such a short temper that I take things out on them that they are totally undeserving of.... We learn, and I know I will get better. They know they are in a loving home, I show more love than anger, and am never slow to give them hugs or do things for them... I just have this lofty expectation of being perfect.

They are getting better at speaking English, everyone that knew them before tells us how their English has improved, and more importantly their general disposition. They are happy now. Stephen and I have seen a dramatic improvement in the last couple weeks of their attitudes, you can tell that they feel part of this family now... Sometimes it means just caving and buying them french fries and a coke, or donuts every once in a while. (Not often)

We had a great time going to Disneyland, and meeting Stephen's family. They absolutely love my mom and dad and call them Grandma and Grandpa (which is funny, because we are still Stephen and Amanda) They love being part of a larger family, there was really only their mom in Nepal, no one else wanted anything to do with them... :(

Ganga has been in Karate for 3 months now and loving it, Jamuna tried it and decided it was not for her, neither was Hip Hop... We are struggling to find something for Jamuna that you can start at 12 and not be so far behind in the activity. Most 12 year olds in dance have been dancing for 6 years, same with soccer, softball etc. Lacrosse and Volleyball are the areas where I am thinking next, she has issues though with trying hard in anything.... They both just started swimming lessons and want to go everyday, it is a fun activity to do, and I am so happy that soon they will know how to swim!

One of the biggest transitions of being a mom of 12 year olds, is learning how to deal with "that time of the month." It is not that I am uncomfortable talking about it, it is just that are learning about it for the first time, pads, tampons, excess blood, leaking onto their sheets every night and so on! With swimming, they have to learn how to use certain things.... and I am sorry, I am not about to go show them, not ready for that, luckily they have an older sister close.... But wish she could be here more often. There is also YouTube, yup, I resorted to finding YouTube videos on how to use a tampon.... As well as talk them through it, yet we are unsuccessful at this time.

Will write more later...

SUCCESS!!

YAY! For the first time since they've been here the girls ate all the food that I made!!! Thank you Trader Joes for yummy curry sauce and I have mastered a cabbage dish that they like! The cool thing about it is that WE ALL liked it! Even Gracie.... Yes, it is still Indian food, but it is easy and at least I know I can do that quickly!

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me

Playing at the beach....The girls LOVE taking pictures!
Gracie... just my little love
Having fun
Stephen and his girls....

Their first time seeing snow!!!

Staying warm!
First day. sisters meeting:)

Wowza, has life been moving fast. The girls got here on Friday morning and we haven't stopped since. When they first arrived it, they had big, nervous smiles on their face... It seemed at that time that they were not understanding anything that we were saying, they were very shy and talked only through their social worker and their translator. Stephen and I both took deep breaths and new that this was going to be a challenge, nothing we were not expecting, but not anything you can prepare for. It wasn't until everyone left that helped bring them here that we realized that they could speak and understand a lot more then we thought!! We can pretty much communicate for the most part with definite moments of "whatever" or "never mind" as they say:)

Communication is a big sigh of relief, yet there are a lot of things that they have no idea what we are saying (concepts of block schedules at the junior high, and "brunch" or break between classes.) Today is their first day of school, they are there as I write this, and I am so nervous about them getting around... the people there are so nice, but I don't know if they realize their limitations in comprehending basic needs at school. I am so anxious for them to come home so I can see how it was! They cannot read or write, but do know the ABC's and can at least count to 10 (we played Sorry the first day they got here and they loved to move their markers down the board.)

They LOVE Grace. Let me say that again... THEY LOVE GRACE! Which is great, but so much so that I worry about her safety! It is like teaching a toddler how to act around a newborn baby, how to be gentle, not rip her arm out of socket, not always forcing food down her throat, that she doesn't always want to be held, or talked too at a decibel level of 10. Grace is having a great time with them, but you can tell that she is starting to act out a little bit, she is grumpier than normal, but also getting over being sick... Time will tell.

More about the girls. They are happy in nature, loud by nature, and are basic 12 year old girls that love music and love to dance. Stephen and I made our first mistake of buying them a CD that we have never heard that they wanted; Rhianna. We figured since it didn't have the "explicit lyrics" that it would be fine... We popped it in the cd player and the first song we heard had this to say "sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me." Oh my Lord... we made our first of many many mistakes... Note to self, always know the CD you are buying, or listen to it yourself before you broadcast it in the car!

Anyway, the girls are twins, but very different. I guess I naively assumed that they would like all the same things! Why, I don't know? But boy was I wrong... Jamuna is the loud and outgoing one, loves to try new things, including food (which is a biggy) Ganga is more quiet, but still louder than we are used too:) She loves to sit and relax, hates trying any American food and is more resistant to any change. She is obsessed with watching all things Nepali and Indian on YouTube.

The girls are very happy to be with us, even the last family they lived with in America was abusive to each other, and we don't really know if they were to them. The things that we hear about that family is just really sad... They were never allowed to go to a friends house to hang out or spend the night, the parents took their money and never gave it back, they made them clean all the time, never helped with homework, yelled at them for using too many paper towels etc... COME ON! These poor girls have NEVER been in a good environment! Stephen and I are determined to give them unconditional love and treat them with respect.

We sat down with them the night before last and had a "heart to heart," telling them that we love them, we are so glad that they are a part of our family now, we will NEVER hurt them physically, we will make mistakes, and more than likely get angry at them a few times, yet that doesn't mean we don't love them. We just wanted them to know that they are now in a safe environment. They seemed very happy with that talk.. at least what they could understand of it:)

The girls are wonderful, well behaved, clean and very positive, yet the change as been difficult for our family especially for me. I wish I can be super duper positive all the time, BUT IT HAS BEEN HARD! It is not them specifically, again, they are great, but this is a big change, a lot more going on in our house, the noise level is through the roof, sometimes they never leave Gracie alone which sometimes works and other times makes her even more grumpy. It is hard when I am without Stephen often times they are all vying for my attention and I just am not able to give them all my undivided attention at the same time. Food has been really hard, since they lived with a Nepali family this last year they have not had to have any American food other than at school, so to get them to try food every night for dinner has been trying. Their older sister took me to an Indian food store in Sunnyvale and went shopping with me, then taught me how to make 2 dishes... they loved them, but those are the only ones I know how to make! I served them lasagna, didn't like it, pancakes, didn't like it, bread, didn't like it and so on.... The thought of what to make for dinner every night is the hardest part of my day, I want to make something they like, I also don't want to only make food that they are used to because then need to learn how to try new things....

Being pregnant definitely makes it a little more emotional than it has too, there are many times where I am on the verge of tears, and been a few times that I have cried to Stephen at night. Now things are not bad, just different! Why am I crying? Blame it on the pregnancy!!! Poor Stephen! The hardest part has been Gracie being grumpy. I blame myself for not paying enough attention to her or being a good mom to her. I love her soooo much I want her to be happy! It is a big change for her too, and I know that she will come around, just wish it was right now:)

There has been a lot of good that comes out of this week too! I swear! We are doing a lot more things as a family, beach, snow, hikes and more board games! Stephen and I are much more a team then we have ever been. We both realize that we need breaks every once in a while so he lets me take baths at night, or yesterday I took myself out to Sushi and let him deal with dinner:) I let him take unnecessary trips to the hardware store, or get a 2 hour haircut... just things that let us have a breather every little bit. He took the girls to the snow in Bonny Doon and I stayed home with Gracie, I took the girls to school and shopping and he stayed home with Gracie when she was napping... I LOVE HIM!!! We are a lot more prayerful then we have been, we talk together on how to handle things with the girls so we are on the same page, we can vent, laugh and just lay with each other when we need too...

We are reading the bible a lot more to gather more wisdom and sanity. "I can do all things through Him that strengthens me" and "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." I keep going back to those verses knowing that I am not a lone, but God is here!!! THANK THE LORD! We are also reading a Children's Bible to the girls who are very interested and love story time before bed.

I know this is a lot to read.... it is nice to use this to just get all my feelings and emotions out. We are so blessed, these girls are going to add a lot to our family, I can see that God brought them here for us, not us for them. I have to constantly work on a lot of my flaws... Patience, those of you who know me, know that I lack patience... well, when you have twin 12 year olds... you are not going to get out the door when you want. Selfishness, I am very selfish with my time and my sleep, between Gracie and the girls that is gone! God is working on me for my betterment and though it is not easy, I am going to become a better servant of Him because of it, and there is nothing I want more in life.

Thank you for reading, please keep us up in your prayers!

A new direction.

A lot has happened since my last post, and a lot is going to happen in the next couple of days. I sit here on a normal Wednesday morning at home with Grace, playing, singing and reading her books.... knowing that in 2 days our lives will be turned upside down. Not for the bad, just an extremely different lifestyle than what we are used to right now.

First, let's catch us up on what is happening just with the three of us. Gracie is now 19 months old, has a very strong will, still loves to cuddle and is learning new words daily. I cannot express how much I love this little girl, and how much joy she brings to our life. She is just starting to put 3 words together, like "up please mommy" or "no no daddy" and so on. She is obsessed with her toothbrush at vitamins, ( I guess there can be worse things:) She loves to dance, play with play dough and try to help mom cook (which just means she is needy at the time I attempt to make dinner) Our cameras are both out of batteries, so no pictures right now, but they will be soon... especially to chronicle what is about to happen. In case you didn't know, we found out in November that I am expecting baby number 2 in July! We are ecstatic and scared at the same time. The due date is 10 days after Gracie's 2nd Birthday, and we do not know what we are having yet!

Now, what is about to happen...

This Friday we are going to start fostering twin 12 year old girls that are refugees from Bhutan. It is permanent foster care, being that neither one of their parents are around, so if all goes well, we will have them until they are at least 19. When I say refugees from Bhutan, that is a loose term, they have actually never even been there, they were born and lived the first 11 years of their life in a UN Refugee camp located in Nepal. Technically, they are not citizens of Bhutan or Nepal... they belong to nowhere and really to no one:( There are 5 sisters total in their family, they are all in the bay area, the oldest living down the road in Boulder Creek, the other 2 in El Sobrante area. They have lived in California for about a year now with a Nepali family in the Hayward area. The family babysat them with the TV, only spoke in their native language and did not get them involved into any activities. Bottom line, they are being moved to us because they did not get any attention or help in that house...

I know very little about them except for the following.... Their names are Ganga and Jamuna and were born into a very physical and mentally abusive family. The have had only a year of education, and that was this past year, yet they do not know very much english (none when they first arrived) , so to be put in an english only school, with no english skills... well, you just don't learn very much. Not to mention that they have never been in a classroom, or any structured place, so they had no idea what was happening or even how to behave in a classroom.

English is a 3 out of 10 their social worker says... so we got some work to do!!! Being in a English only home will help them for sure...

They are 12, but have really had no childhood, so they are very much loving all things pink and flowers and Disney princess, much like Gracie:) From what I am told, they are very outgoing girls with little trust of any adults, they respond well to nurture and love, but have not been given very much. No education does not just mean that they have never been to school, they have lived so sheltered in their camp that they do not know the basic things like we would assume they would like time frames, what a mountain, river or ocean is. What is a proper way to use a fork, or how to read and write in their own language.... The social worker said to assume they know nothing when you are helping them with their homework... How can they even have homework when they can't understand the language or culture they are living in?!?!

So, suffice to say that we are going to be very busy the next couple years. They are in 6th grade and our goal is to have them be able to read, write and speak English by the time they enter high school so they have some chance to graduate, but who knows what will happen once they get here!! We really cannot have any expectations about them, because it is such a crap shoot on what they are actually going to be like.

So you are probably asking... "Amanda, what the heck are you thinking taking on these girls when you are going to have 2 little ones yourself?" and that is a very, very good questions. Bottom line is that there are some things in life that are presented to you that you just know with every bone in your body that it is from the Holy Spirit. This was undeniably that. When we both heard that Catholic Charities was going to present us with the possibility to take on twins, we were both like"NO WAY! our lives are going to be crazy enough without them!" We met with their social worker expecting to tell her no, and after she told us about them, we both felt something come over us and decided to tell her that we would think about it. When I say "thinking" about it, what we meant is that we both needed to pray A LOT about this.... and we did, and did some more. We both knew that we needed to say yes, but didn't want to to say yes!! So don't think that we are this couple that is so great that we had no questions about helping these girls, that we were totally up for the sacrifice and was gung ho about changing our life.... Sorry to burst your bubble, but we were VERY HESITANT! After a lot of prayer, conversing with other people and more prayer, we knew without a shadow of a doubt that the only answer we would be comfortable giving was yes. We have been at peace about it ever since and are not looking back... what would be the point? We know that if things go horribly wrong we could as a worst case scenario give them to another family. Prayerfully that wont happen. Grace and our new child is our first priority, and once their safety is jeopardized... game over!!!

The only thing that we ask for from our friends and family is to please hold our family up in your prayers and invite us over for dinner so you can meet our new family!

I promise to update you more on our journey, tune in weekly!