Well, I had every intention of updating this blog weekly... Suffice to say it has been a month and a half since my last post. I can honestly tell you that I have never been so busy in my life. Busy as well as just plain tired!!! Between Gracie, the twins and this baby that is growing inside me, my energy level is at zero!!! When I do have a spare second, I just like to sit and relax. Usually, my only spare second is when Gracie takes a nap....
Well, life has certainly changed. Not for the worse, not for the better, just changed. I am sometimes so completely overwhelmed at times that I just break down and cry, and give it to God because I have no idea what I am doing. There are times that I just hold Gracie and look at her and wish I could give all my attention to her again. Yet, she is fine, it took her a while to adjust, but she loves the girls, they play and play and play with her, and she loves all the attention!
Grace is growing so fast, I cannot even believe it. She has so many new words that she uses all the time and sometimes can speak in sentences. I swear this happened overnight. All the sudden one day she was drawing with crayons and she said "look mommy, I made a pretty." What?!? When did she learn to say all that together? Right now she is obsessed with "owies" she will find one on anyone and want to kiss it. Pretty adorable. She also is very big into asking people if they are ok. "You ok mommy" she will ask as she looks me in the eye and pats my arm. She just melts our hearts every moment. I know every mom says it, but how in the heck can I possibly love this other baby as much as I love and cherish my precious Gracie?
Now that the weather is turning we are spending a lot of time outside and she would not want to be anywhere else. Loves chasing our chickens, playing in rocks and on our deck with our little slide. She is so good at saying "please" and "thank-you" and loves to say "sorry". The only issue we are having with her right now is her not wanting to listen to us when she is doing something wrong... She just smiles at us and goes "hi mommy, hi" oh yeah, she knows she is doing something wrong, she just tries to be cute... ah it it starts so young! She gets so sad when you even raise your voice at her, I can tell that discipline is going to be a struggle.
The twins are definitely a hand full. We were not told just how hyper and demanding of attention they would be, granted they are 12, pretty normal for "tweenies".. but not normal for me! They are obsessed with Gracie and her blue eyes and chubby cheeks, honestly they will not stop pinching her cheeks and calling her beautiful. (I guess it could be worse)
I struggle with now being the "nagging mom." I have to be though, they are so slow when getting in the car to go to school, or doing their homework... I have to be on them all the time or they would just sit and watch Indian movies all day on their computer.
If I am being truthful with you, it was not love at first sight. They are very sweet girls, loving with such a strong desire to make us happy, sometimes almost too strong. I have always liked them, but it has taken me a while to realize that this is my life now, and to see them as my new daughters. I expected myself to love them as much as Gracie from the get-go... That was foolish, I had this ideal of being the most loving, compassionate, patient mom to them... But as any mom of teenagers can tell you... HA HA HA! Don't get me wrong, I am not horrible by any stretch of the imagination, but they test me, pull me in 4 different directions at once, and really demand so much from me, it is hard to get used to "liking" being constantly demanded of... My deal, not theirs. You add pregnancy into the situation, and there are times where I just lose it, whether it being crying to Stephen at night when we go to bed, or just have such a short temper that I take things out on them that they are totally undeserving of.... We learn, and I know I will get better. They know they are in a loving home, I show more love than anger, and am never slow to give them hugs or do things for them... I just have this lofty expectation of being perfect.
They are getting better at speaking English, everyone that knew them before tells us how their English has improved, and more importantly their general disposition. They are happy now. Stephen and I have seen a dramatic improvement in the last couple weeks of their attitudes, you can tell that they feel part of this family now... Sometimes it means just caving and buying them french fries and a coke, or donuts every once in a while. (Not often)
We had a great time going to Disneyland, and meeting Stephen's family. They absolutely love my mom and dad and call them Grandma and Grandpa (which is funny, because we are still Stephen and Amanda) They love being part of a larger family, there was really only their mom in Nepal, no one else wanted anything to do with them... :(
Ganga has been in Karate for 3 months now and loving it, Jamuna tried it and decided it was not for her, neither was Hip Hop... We are struggling to find something for Jamuna that you can start at 12 and not be so far behind in the activity. Most 12 year olds in dance have been dancing for 6 years, same with soccer, softball etc. Lacrosse and Volleyball are the areas where I am thinking next, she has issues though with trying hard in anything.... They both just started swimming lessons and want to go everyday, it is a fun activity to do, and I am so happy that soon they will know how to swim!
One of the biggest transitions of being a mom of 12 year olds, is learning how to deal with "that time of the month." It is not that I am uncomfortable talking about it, it is just that are learning about it for the first time, pads, tampons, excess blood, leaking onto their sheets every night and so on! With swimming, they have to learn how to use certain things.... and I am sorry, I am not about to go show them, not ready for that, luckily they have an older sister close.... But wish she could be here more often. There is also YouTube, yup, I resorted to finding YouTube videos on how to use a tampon.... As well as talk them through it, yet we are unsuccessful at this time.
Will write more later...
